To The Man I Hope to Meet

I want to be the woman of your life.

I want to be the home you think of when you 

Close your eyelids tight and...

Click your heels three times - Of course you're too much of a man for that but,

I want to be the reason you're frustrated

The reason you're elated.

I want to be yours

And yours

And forever yours.

I want to be your chef

That feeds every appetite

I want to be your pride

Your joy,

I want to be the beauty in your, the beholder's, eyes

I want to be your passion.

Your rhyme.

I want to be your heartbeat

Your feet

To know the world you've walked and seen,

I want to be your desire

Your fire

Your dream

I want you to have and to hold me

For better or for worse with me

Grow old with me -

Please.

I want to make earthquaking love

And plunder into deep slumber

And cook naked breakast in the morning that tastes like our love

I want to be the soil in which you plant your seed

So that your legacy might grow like trees 

In me

Maybe.

I hope to meet you soon

Can You Hear Me Now

One day, I felt like God fell out of love with me,
Like my prayers came back void
Because my body was soiled and tampered with.

One day I really thought that God stopped loving me.
Like I was praying for no reason
Because my temple wasn't only His.

That day I cursed Him
And cursed myself
And cursed life
And cursed every girl who was 18 and hadn't been pregnant twice.

That day I almost gave up.

One day, I just knew that God quit loving me.

Working

I've been trying to find a foundation

'Cause lately I've been sinking in this quicksand world

Trying to find salvation in this blunt, in this bottle, in this bed

I've been trying to find motivation

Maybe this is too much 

Jesus, I need your saving..

Man I don't know..

I've been trying to write down my frustrations

But these fucking words won't commit to paper

Trying to find salvation but, my mother won't answer the phone

Look the Same-Kinda, Wet

So, are you a deep river or a stagnant stream? I'm an ocean. Real Deep. What about you? Mmmm.. I'm more like a lake. I've got edges, but I also have ripples and possibilities..

There's A Paradigm Of The Artist Who Is Heart Broken By Hollywood. We're All Telling That Story.

The Return Of R&B: Timothy Bloom

...

"In hip hop, we’re all trying to get to this next level without the next level finding us. Life is like peaks and valleys. Some people explain that as good times, bad times. But I actually think its learning, mastership, learning, mastership or study, mastership, study, mastership. I went form the top of one mountain, I’ve mastered something and people appreciated it. Once you’ve been on top on that mountain, you have to move this way but in hip hop people are like, I’m not moving….I’m the master, I’m great, I’m dope, I’m here, I’ve arrived, I’m not going anywhere! That’s when you stay stuck on one hill, one mountain. God’s intention is that we study and master a bunch of things. So here I am descending this hill and everybody is like “Where are you going, we’re suppose to be on top of the hill?” But it’s an exciting time, definitely an exciting time for me because I’m at the foot of another hill. This hill is totally different, navigated differently but I get to learn. Once you learn and you go through that, you’re on the top of another one."

- Lauryn Hill

Twenny 'Leven

So I've always used this blog as a medium to share my art form with the rest of the world (well the few people who read it anyways) but today I'm feeling just a tad avant-garde. I mean it's a NEW YEAR for Pete's sake, (SN: who's Pete anyway?)

- Any who -
I'm just super excited for all the things that I'm certain the Universe has in store for me.

Today I was asked to write down my New Year's resolution.. a few days late I know.. but I was at a complete loss for words. I mean, how cliche' are resolutions anyway? You promise yourself to shed a few pounds or to quit cursing and it almost never happens that way. So why even bother?

So I'm thinking about it all the while the creepy librarian is staring down my back waiting to for me to commit the best lie I could conjure in such grueling circumstances to paper, and I write .."To be a better person." Of course she bobbles her head in approval, but I'm thinking "Damn Sade' that's all you could come up with?" Like if someone gets hold of a copy of "New Year's Resolutions For Dummies" pleeeaaaaaaassssse let me borrow it.

Maybe it's just that I absolutely loathe being put on the spot, but I at least thought I was a little more quick-witted than that.This post doesn't really have much of a theme or topic so don't get your hopes up too high.. Just was in a ramblin' kinda mood:)
Have A Blessed And Fruitful New Year!

Peace and chicken grease,
- Sade' Miller

Because This Is Over Due And I Don't Know What Else To Say

When love making became more than an act.. You are poetic like oceans & skies & fire. More brown than me; like smoldering wood. My lips feel heavy. And the air, pregnant with our sex takes more effort to breath. It. Fills. Me. 'Til there is no more room left inside of me, for even me. And I am dizzy and not so clairvoyant in love. Maybe that dimple in your right cheek did make the conscience scrambled and the coochie easy but, I think I would have loved you regardless. And whether you entered me and My Temple on day three or thirty, it doesn't really matter because I had you on both occasions and loved you in between. And sometimes I wish that I could be inside of you. Why can't I be inside of you? I want to start a revolution. What is physical becomes metaphorical and then literal. Like you saw. You invaded. You conquered. Me. And I, like A beggar can only have whatever it is that you choose to spare. Is it wrong that I like It? Because I do. 


- Sade' Miller

PMS Maybe? Thoughts

"There's this tree. It sits across the street from my house. I admire it's humility. it reminds me to reconnect myself to the source."

- Erykah Badu

My Name (In the style of Sandra Cisneros)

Where I'm from my name means I'm surprised if you can pronounce it correctly. In Nigerian it means honor confers your crown.. It means chance, it means haphazard. It is like the number 3. A shade of fall. It is the jazz my mother plays every morning, songs that feel like triumph and failure, love and fear.
It is The British singer, Helen Folasade Adu's stage name and I feel like she and I are connected sort of like we, because she feels that "Sade'" is special. She is an ingratiating character in her music, smooth jazz, quiet storm, soul, bellowed like me. Like how easy going I wish I were. 
My parents. 17 and 18 didn't know that I would be Sade' until I arrived here. Everyone was expecting Aaron.
And the story goes, I wore boy's clothes for my first month or so. 
I wasn't planned for, like those babies born to trying, older parents who wished, and prepared yellow nurseries, and wished that they could until a doctor professed their miracle. I wonder if my mother made the best with what she got or was she sorry because she couldn't be all the things she wanted to be.
Sade'. I wonder if my mother was thinking of a sad song when she named me.

Almost everywhere they say my name funny. Sometimes I am "Say-dee," or "Sayd," and I get angry because They don't know how to announce my name like it is royal, like my mother does. I wish my mother would have named me something different. But I am always Sade'. I know some girls with names that sound like mine. But they're names are more revealing more loud. S-H-A-D-A-E, spelled more phonetically. With their snapping fingers and rolling necks and loud, revealing mothers. I would like to baptize myself under a new name, a name more like the real me, the one nobody sees. Sade' as Nicole or Alexandra or Tatum. Yes. Something like Tatum will do.

- Sade' Miller

Thoughts Of Relief

"Thank you maker. I feel like we were just being worked through.. I can listen and I'm inspired all over again."


- Sade' Miller

The Liar, Me

   For a while now I've been having a hard time being completely honest with myself. I live in a society where censorship is key; interaction is at the mercy of the politically correct, of what may or may not offend people. It's what fuels the never ending cycle of victim and transgressor. How can I be honest with anyone, when every  principle or ideal that I may believe in has to go through some sort of filter before it is deemed appropriate to be revealed to the public?
   Dishonesty dictates my life. No, I am not a fan of flat out verbally telling lies but I believe that we can be liars in our actions, in how we live our lives. As for myself, it has gotten to the point that I'm not too certain of who I am, what I am, who I want to be. And now I feel obligated to search for meaning and understanding of my life and it's purpose, of life and it's purpose. It's driving me crazy because in life, we are given such a limited amount of time and an infinite amount of information is accessible but it is impossible to attain it all. I have created false passions and then feel stuck in their pursuit. I don't know what I want. A lot of the times I feel powerless, like my life isn't in my control.
   I don't know when it got so bad. Maybe when I was three and my parents would argue. They made no effort to hide the fact that I had to pledge an allegence to one or the other. I never wanted to disappoint. Or maybe it was when I learned that your best friend could lie to you and talk about you behind your back. Or when I learned that family could betray you. Or that your mother could love someone more than she loved you. Even in writing this, I had to think, stop, rethink, write, and erase all over again until line by line what I thought I wanted to say came out.Why can't my thoughts and feelings be so honest that they just come out on demand because I am certain of them?  And I'm not even sure if it's uncertainty or me being so dishonest with myself that I can't decipher the two. What is real and what is imagined, what is rudimentary and what is derived, what is of God and what is of this world.

- Sade' Miller

Time

Five Things, I would say to my grandmother:
One, Your smile reflects love from the sun
The moon feels neglected and
Two, Somewhere between the
bowing field of wheat and the boastful tree trunk
You are beautiful, beautiful brown
Three, Like the plight of a leaf love sailed in your wind so that I, might, live.
With the strength of the Earth you bore refreshing stress
Through the bows of your legs
From the anticipation of your stomach
Butterflies and cravings
With the assurance of your heart both beating and feeling
Your smile says "I am sure"
Four, In your arms I am home
Spread to me wide as horizons
My nest from which I must take flight and
Five, Your love;
Makes my chest feel warm and opened like,
Embracing me is their sole purpose
Like loving you I know there is a God

- Sade' Miller

Most nights, most dreams, most nightmares are, trippy,  psychedelic, heart jerking, arousing, breath taking, depressing , intense, too much, too real... Most nights I'm not able to sleep through the entire night. I worry. I worry about life and death. My life. My loved ones death. Hell. I worry about hell a lot. I worry that I'm not good enough for God. I pray, wish, my life depends on whether or not I am. Most nights I feel the worst feeling in the world. Inadequacy. Worried that I am inadequate.

- Sade' Miller

Rain. Autumn Thoughts

"Rain beats like percussion. And I'm tired. And I'm tired like, like an infant; rocked in my mother Universe's womb. And the percussion rain beats steady, and for a moment I believe that I am steady too."

- Sade' Miller

Amygdala

The love child of our rhythmic labor
Your sweat seeped into my skin and,
Lived there.
Lives there.
I smell your satisfaction,
Your exhales.
I smell your, fast and slow, and faster and, slower.
Exclamation.
Even the clouds swollen with rain
make my loins grow uneasy
At the thought that they might explode
And be satisfied.
Or as the Earth becomes black with night
And the sun lies down to rest
And day is satisfied
I smell your sweat in my skin
Sticky with dew.

- Sade' Miller

Sunkist

We loved on yesterday with summer eyes

And hearts like great oak trees.

Our love was Sweet, and, free.

But that was yesterday.

We shared kisses on cheeks.

Smiles with peaches in our teeth.

And sun kissed lips.

And then the clouds grew salty with tears.

And so did we

The thunder roared.

And so did we

The rain fell

And so did we.

- Sade' Miller